Katiana

So you want to play katiana, eh?
Good for you!
The rules are simple, and are as follows.

Katiana is a 3 team game, with one team of 7 players, one team of 9 players, and one team of 3 players.
The 7 player team consists of: captain, goalshoot, goalkeep, winger, fullback, striker, and spare.
The 9 player team consists of: goalee, backstop, pitcher, wing attack, squadron leader, brown-belt, loose forward, and two randomly selected from positions on team 1.
The 3 player team consists of: Captain, Vice-captain, and waterboy.

The start of the game is decided by a coin toss between the two teams which win a quick round of rock, paper, scissors, the order of which is decided by a coin toss.

The game is played in 4 halves, one of which is played towards each goal (there are north, south, middle, and moving goals). Each half is 7-29 minutes long, depending on the mood of the referee, and the txt-in voting of the studio audience.

The team who wins the coin toss gets first attack on the goal, with the other two teams defending and throwing-cabbages in that specific order. A goal is scored by getting the katia-ball into the goal, which is 3 by 5 cms in width and is spinning at 300 rpm. Each goal is celebrated by the mandatory locomotion, which must be performed to the standards of the 3 celebrity judges, otherwise penalties are given, ranging from point deductions up to shooting of the failing dancer.

At the end of the game, the winner is decided by a battle of strength and wits: arm-wrestling whilst quoting Shakespeare's Macbeth in Latin.

Failing that, the winner will be decided by a beauty contest.

Good luck!