Desperado Dave

Dave found the remains of his couch, and sat down on it dejectedly.
Fido, realising how depressed his master was, jumped onto Dave's lap in order to comfort him.
This didn't help much.

Nerd Boy approached, to find Dave crawling out from under his pet cow, gasping for breath.
"Ah hah!" Nerd Boy yelled triumphantly, "Now I have you, Garbageman, or should I say, Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness!"
"What?" Dave asked incredulously, as Nerd Boy leapt at him.

Jumping out of the way easily (Nerd Boy wasn't exactly the most dangerous adversary in the world) Dave tried to reason with the scrawny intellectual.
"Look, how can I be the Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness? I'm not a machine."
"Hah!" Nerd Boy countered, "You should know better than trying to expediate yourself using that methodology! You obviously think I'm intellectually lacking! I know all about bio-organic mechanisms, and genetic altering components could very easily have been inputted into your hardware!"
"What are you saying?" Dave asked (not trying to understand why Francis had made such a claim, but rather actually unsure what the words he had used meant).
"You could be the Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness without even knowing it," Nerd Boy explained.
"Really?" Dave pondered, "Now, that would be a twist."
"Exactly," Nerd Boy agreed, "Now, hold still while I defeat you."

Dave decided to humour his friend, but as Francis brought his puny fist back in order to 'strike the final blow', Dave realised that there was no way he could stand being beaten by Nerd Boy, even for such a good cause.
It would just be too embarrassing.

"No, it can't be true!" Dave yelled, and dodged the punch easily, "I'm not going to let you defeat me for no reason! There must be another way!"
Nerd Boy wasn't having any of this, "Get back here Dave! Let me defeat you! Why doesn't anyone ever let me defeat them!!! Hold still."
"No," Dave exclaimed, leaping onto Fido's back, "I'm going to find Professor Happyjoy, and defeat those bananas, and prove to you once and for all that I'm not the Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness. They must be somewhere nearby, he was in the hospital only a few blogs ago. Heeya! Go for it, Fido!"
And, kicking Fido's sides in a cowboy-like manner, Dave rode off towards the industrial sector of Yeejabberwhatsit, looking for an empty warehouse, abandoned mineshaft, scary castle, or some other stereotypical villian hideout.

Nerd Boy stood, fighting back stitch after such an active few minutes, and watched his friend go.
"I'll get you yet, Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness!" he called futilely.

Just at that moment, a puffing security guard from Yeejabberwhatsit First National Bank arrived, and approached Nerd Boy.
"Excuse me sir," Norman asked, "Have you seen Ned Kelly anywhere around here? He tried to rob the bank earlier, and I'm hunting him down."
"Oh, you must mean Garbageman," Francis replied, figuring out in his head the entire plot so far, and also realising that the security guard could come in handy to capture the escaping super-hero, "Yes, he was here just now. Come with me, and I'll help you catch him. Let us plot together!!!!"

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