Hotsauce!

"Unhand that woman!" I cry heroically, cracking several high notes and breaking a few windows in the process. "I am a prince of this realm, and I demand she be released, or else you will face a fate worse than death!"
The candy-coated chief laughs. "Ha!"
Awkward silence. Then he realises I'm serious.
"You don't look like a prince to me! What's your name?" He bellows.
"Um, Pete Wilson..." I mutter, staring at the ground. Suddenly the whole candy town goes silent.
I look up. Candy King and his lolly minions are all bowing before me, like I'm some sort of prince or something!
"Hey Melvin!" I exclaim. "Look at these people! They think I'm some sort of prince or something!"
"You are." Melvin bursts my bubble of idiotic surprise with his intelligent comment.
The three large-headed minions quickly return with an unharmed Trixie.
"Trixie!" I exclaim (for that is her name, I mean, what would be the point in shouting out "Dave!" when her name's Trixie? Yeah. I thought that one up myself.) "Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm, fine." Trixie answers. "They were going to make me into a big Trixie-shaped lolly to feed to a big-headed shark with a sweet tooth, and we were just in the process of deciding what flavour I'd be when they heard your exclamation of royalty, and we came back! Oh Pete, well done! I was going to be.... aniseed!"
"Ew! Gross!" Melvin exclaims.
Candy King raises his head. "What would you have us do, my prince?" He inquires.
I think for a minute.
Then a minute more.
Five hours later, I have an answer. "I need you to get me to the magical kingdom's magical capital city, and keep me safe from all the Rogers so I can use the chalice of power to gain power and live happily ever after!"
"Oh!" Everyone exclaims, realising I've just described the rest of the plot, and that the blognovel is nearing its end.
"So, who's with me!" I shout. Trixie, Melvin, Candy King, and all the lolly minions respond with a shout; "Hotsauce!" Don't ask me why they shouted "Hotsauce!" but there you go. It sounded good, so I wasn't going to argue.
The Candy King quickly organises an elephant for each of us, and we follow him down the path to Magical Capital City. For some reason I find driving an elephant easy, and Trixie doesn't seem to have any problem with it. I think she has her elephant licence. But poor Melvin struggles a bit, so eventually a lolly minion sits in front and drives for him. I think Melvin left the handbrake on. Don't ask me where handbrakes are in elephants, but yeah.
Anyway!
Off we go.

previous chapter /// next chapter