Timely Decisions

The can of spaghetti was empty. Warren sighed, and ran his finger around the inside of the can, just in case, then looked up.

The volume of disagreement  in the cabin had recently dropped from brink-of-warfare to merely stab-out-your-eyes, as the seven remaining war-like individuals (the policewoman had made a quick exit with her own personal chrono-manipulator) stopped trying to run each other through, and started trying to figure out what to do about their current predicament. According to the Navy SEAL – who had briefly left the cabin to scout out the surrounds – they were somewhere in the Swiss Alps, as he could tell from the moss on the trees, the shape of the mountain peaks, and the large sign on the cabin which read “Swiss Alpine Chalets, for your perfect getawets…”. The problem was, they seemed to be fairly isolated, with it being likely that they were at least three days journey from the nearest village (something he could tell from the informative brochure on the table by the door), and with little to no food available (beyond Warren’s last – and unknown to the rest of the group – can of spaghetti).

Now two competing plans of attack were being developed. Guillaume, with the help of the musketeer, pirate, and cowboy, had developed a plan involving cutting down a tree and making some kind of sled, but had yet to come up with an axe substitute. The German lieutenant, with the help of the Big Game Hunter and SEAL, were more of the opinion that it would be advantageous to catch a yeti, or the local Swiss equivalent, and – after taming the beast – have it carry them down the mountain to safety. The main obstacle to their plan was the lack of pickled herring, which the lieutenant insisted was the only fool-proof way of catching a Sw-eti. Both groups were convinced that their plan was the best, and it seemed that open warfare was once again close to breaking out, until one comment by the pirate made them all change tact.

“Why don't we use the cannon?”

This, of course, was all that needed to be said. It didn't matter that there was no plan on how to use the cannon, nor any need to fire the cannon… It was a CANNON! And cannons go boom!

Within moments, the Warriors had dragged the cannon outside, and pointing it in a random direction (it didn't really matter where they aimed it, as there was no real plan beyond ‘fire the cannon’) begin preparing it to be fired.

Even Warren was caught up in the excitement, and came out to the doorpost to watch as they loaded the cannonball in, and prepared to fire.

Funny, Warren thought to himself as the pirate laughed heartily and lit the fuse, I never realised how purple a cannonball was!

There was a strange exploding sound, as if the explosion was being played backwards, and a bright mauve light briefly flooded the area.

Then silence.

****

POP!

“…Oz!” Said Jennie.

She paused.

And stared.

The Munchkins stared back at her.

“Uh…” Jennie began.

“What the (censored)” swore one of the Munchkins, quite unnecessarily.

Jennie paused again.

She didn't realise Munchkins were so fouled mouthed. She had a lot to learn about Oz. She hadn't even realised it was real!

“Cut!” Yelled a voice from nearby.

Jennie turned.

She hadn't realised there were so many cameras in Munchkin-land, and so many confused looking crew members. It was almost as if…

“Excuse me, who are you?” someone dressed as a director asked.

“Uh, I'm Jennie,” Jennie said, trying her best to remember that these Munchkins probably wouldn't know many of her customs. “I come from a faraway land called Bertramfieldshire, and look after magical engines called trains. They can travel long distances in a short space of time! Can you say ‘trains?’”

“Trains,” said the director without thinking. Immediately, he looked embarrassed, then annoyed.

“Someone get her out of here, please!” he demanded.

Three munchkins quickly took Jennie by the arms, and began to lead her away from the brightly coloured buildings that stood nearby, towards the grey and imposing warehouse-like district that Jennie assumed made up the industrial area of the land.

She wondered to herself briefly if she might get to meet Glinda soon…

Back *** Forth