A Wool-worthy Attempt, but will it be enough???

Professor Happyjoy was having a great day.
First he had organised the rogue bananas to steal the unhelpful inventions and 'The Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness', which had gone brilliantly!
Then, he had focussed 'The Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness' onto two struggling superheroes to test its effects, and that had gone brilliantly too!
Then, he had eaten a banana split, and (aside from the fact that he lost a minion in the process) that had also gone brilliantly.
Everything was going according to plan.

"Everything is going according to plan," he announced in classic Super-villian fashion, and quickly glanced around nervously, in case the stereotypical "Not so fast" line was said in reply.
"Excellent," he muttered, "Garbageman truly is under the influence of 'The Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness' (or MoDU for short), he can't even manage to get here in order to stop me!!! Mwhahaha!"

"Not so fast," came a heroic voice from the shadows.
Professor Happyjoy screamed a petrified scream, and spun around.
Nerd Boy stood in the doorway of Woolworths, hands heroically on his hips, cape flapping majestically in the breeze.
The evil professor sighed with relief.
"Oh, its just you. You had me worried there for a moment."
"What are you talking about?" Nerd Boy whined, "I'm your nemesis. I'm a super-hero! You're supposed to be afraid of me."
"Oh please," Happyjoy scoffed, holding up one of the unhelpful inventions, "This slug-toenail clipper has more chance of defeating me than you do. These rotten bananas have more chance of defeating me than you do! An elderly gentleman with a walking frame, who is blind in both eyes, and with one hand tied behind his back, has more chance of defeating me than you do. An overweight, middle aged blonde Irishman with..."
"Ok, ok, thats enough," Nerd Boy sighed, "You don't need to rub it in. I know I'm not very masculine. But, I am brainy, and that has to count for something... doesn't it?"

Ten seconds later, Nerd Boy was tied to a pole, with Bass Reflex System, Wanchai, and another banana (we'll call him Extremely Talented Ice Skater for short), guarding him with various unhelpful implements.

"Oh cheese," Nerd Boy sighed.

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