When Harry Met Sally
Nicholas followed, finding the door in only a few microseconds by using his mathematically precise brain to calculate where it was, walk straight into a wall, recheck his calculations, add the one, and then walk through the door and into the hallway.
Sally hadn’t got far.
She was currently trying to negotiate the staircase, but diplomacy had never been her strong point.
“Please, Sally,” Nicholas pleased, “At least let me know why?”
Sally sighed sadly, subsequently sat slowly, and stared sorrowfully at Nicholas.
“Well, it’s a long story,” she began.
“In junior high, I was part of the ‘In Crowd.’ I mean, the real ‘In Crowd’, not those cheerleader girls and hot jocks that think they are the ‘In Crowd’, like I hang around with now, but those people who know they are really the ‘In Crowd’ deep down inside, and it doesn‘t matter what anyone else says, because they know they‘re cool, their moms tell them daily…. You know, nerds.”
“But, I wasn’t satisfied. I needed more. I wanted power, and my ‘In Crowd’ friends just didn’t understand. So, it was then, that I joined the MATHS OLYMPIANS!”
At this point Biff revved his Charger again, and the windows of the house rattled in an ominous manner.
“Well, after that, power, money, and fame came easily. I did the whole circuit: Oprah, Sally Jesse, Horace the talking mule, but I was still missing something.”
Nicholas nodded knowingly. “You just wanted to be loved.”
“No, that’s not it,” Sally mused, “I was missing a gold plated stereo, but I soon brought one, and then I was completely content.”
Nicholas seemed confused, but he knew that that couldn’t be it, because he was unable to be confused, as he was a nerd, and nerds pride themselves on knowing everything. So, he just smiled, nodded, and tried not to stare blankly at Sally.
“But, my idyllic life was not to be, for fame and power also brought a new problem… extortionists. Soon I was receiving death threats daily, mostly laced with poisons such as anthrax, bird flu, and McDonalds. And, one dark night, when I was walking home from ‘the Globe Theatre’ following a debate on the mathematics of Shakespeare, I was confronted by an evil nerd calling himself “Harry“. Harry wanted to be the most intelligent nerd in the MATHS OLYPMICS, (ominous revving) and my brain power was threatening him, so he threatened me back.”
Tears filled Sallys eyes as she continued.
“He had captured my parents late one night, and is now holding them ransom. Unless I keep acting as a dumb blonde, he will destroy them in a mathematically ironic way. I can’t let that happen.”
Nicholas stood to his feet, wiped the tears from his eyes, and began speaking, his emotions causing his words to come out even more nasally than usual.
“Well, we’re not going to stand for that, I’ll help you defeat Harry. With our powers combined, we are Captain Planet… I mean, unstoppable!!!”
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Sally hadn’t got far.
She was currently trying to negotiate the staircase, but diplomacy had never been her strong point.
“Please, Sally,” Nicholas pleased, “At least let me know why?”
Sally sighed sadly, subsequently sat slowly, and stared sorrowfully at Nicholas.
“Well, it’s a long story,” she began.
“In junior high, I was part of the ‘In Crowd.’ I mean, the real ‘In Crowd’, not those cheerleader girls and hot jocks that think they are the ‘In Crowd’, like I hang around with now, but those people who know they are really the ‘In Crowd’ deep down inside, and it doesn‘t matter what anyone else says, because they know they‘re cool, their moms tell them daily…. You know, nerds.”
“But, I wasn’t satisfied. I needed more. I wanted power, and my ‘In Crowd’ friends just didn’t understand. So, it was then, that I joined the MATHS OLYMPIANS!”
At this point Biff revved his Charger again, and the windows of the house rattled in an ominous manner.
“Well, after that, power, money, and fame came easily. I did the whole circuit: Oprah, Sally Jesse, Horace the talking mule, but I was still missing something.”
Nicholas nodded knowingly. “You just wanted to be loved.”
“No, that’s not it,” Sally mused, “I was missing a gold plated stereo, but I soon brought one, and then I was completely content.”
Nicholas seemed confused, but he knew that that couldn’t be it, because he was unable to be confused, as he was a nerd, and nerds pride themselves on knowing everything. So, he just smiled, nodded, and tried not to stare blankly at Sally.
“But, my idyllic life was not to be, for fame and power also brought a new problem… extortionists. Soon I was receiving death threats daily, mostly laced with poisons such as anthrax, bird flu, and McDonalds. And, one dark night, when I was walking home from ‘the Globe Theatre’ following a debate on the mathematics of Shakespeare, I was confronted by an evil nerd calling himself “Harry“. Harry wanted to be the most intelligent nerd in the MATHS OLYPMICS, (ominous revving) and my brain power was threatening him, so he threatened me back.”
Tears filled Sallys eyes as she continued.
“He had captured my parents late one night, and is now holding them ransom. Unless I keep acting as a dumb blonde, he will destroy them in a mathematically ironic way. I can’t let that happen.”
Nicholas stood to his feet, wiped the tears from his eyes, and began speaking, his emotions causing his words to come out even more nasally than usual.
“Well, we’re not going to stand for that, I’ll help you defeat Harry. With our powers combined, we are Captain Planet… I mean, unstoppable!!!”
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