Cheesy on the Outside
Rule Number 14 in the Q Dimension: For a given poisonous gas, C x t = k, where C is the concentration of the gas (mass per unit volume), t is the amount of time necessary to breathe the gas, in order to produce a toxic effect, and k is a constant, depending on both the gas and the effect.
The van pulled up in front of the hideout, and everyone sloshed out, coated in copious amounts of melting cheese, and trying hard not to think about the implications of the cheese actually being a person. At least one of the minions also briefly wondered why a blog-novelist would ever assume that a 50 foot tall statue would be made out of cheese when the other blog-novelist had never actually implied that in their original chapter, but decided that the humorous situation that had resulted from that particular twist was enough to make up for any plot holes that may have been implied…
Once most of the slippery semi-solid Stinky statue sludge had been wiped off using Handee paper towels (because they were handy), the cheesy remnants of the original statue were carefully removed from the van, which was then sent back with Dark and Mysterious Driver to find Larry (who in addition to never having to do any work seemed to have been left at Ernie’s apartment!), leaving Harold, Ernie, Percy, and the majority of Stinky to enter the hideout alone.
The three and a half of them walked (or in Stinky/ROGER’s case, were carried by Percy) to the door, and Harold bent down to retrieve the key from under the mat, NOT REALISING THAT IT HAD ALREADY BEEN TAKEN BY ROGER!!
“Hey, the key’s gone!” Harold said, rather unnecessarily as far as we readers are concerned, but quite helpful for the other two and a half people/cheeses standing/being carried beside him.
“What?” Ernie exclaimed, “But I hid it in a super-dooper secret-squirrel location! Who would ever look under a doormat for a key?!”
“Hey, the door is OPEN!” Harold said, also quite simultaneously unnecessary and helpful depending on your reading/being a character in a blognovel status.
“What?” Ernie exclaimed again, “Does that mean that someone has ENTERED MY SUPER-DOOPER SECRET FORT- I mean, HIDEOUT?!”
And saying this, he pushed past Harold and entered the hideout.
It was immediately apparent that someone had been there (that someone being known to us, but remaining unbeknownst to the current characters at this present moment).
Single spoonfuls of porridge had been removed from each of the three bowls on the table, each of the three chairs had moved showing that someone had sat in them, and the bedclothes being unmade showed that someone had slept in each of the beds!!!
But worst of all, the hideous, dangerous, intense, deadly, systematic, hydromatic collection of tea cosies that Ernie had been storing in his fort-I-mean-hideout was missing!!
As was (for us in the know) ROGER!!!
(Although in this instance ROGER refers to Roger, not ROGER. His name has been capitalised for emphasis rather than Acronymic purposes).
“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” bellowed Ernie in his best Anakin-becomes-Darth Vader impersonation. It was understandable for him to react that way - after all, losing your true love and unborn child/ren is quite similar to losing your tea cosy collection.
I feel for him right now.
Previous Chapter *** Next Chapter
The van pulled up in front of the hideout, and everyone sloshed out, coated in copious amounts of melting cheese, and trying hard not to think about the implications of the cheese actually being a person. At least one of the minions also briefly wondered why a blog-novelist would ever assume that a 50 foot tall statue would be made out of cheese when the other blog-novelist had never actually implied that in their original chapter, but decided that the humorous situation that had resulted from that particular twist was enough to make up for any plot holes that may have been implied…
Once most of the slippery semi-solid Stinky statue sludge had been wiped off using Handee paper towels (because they were handy), the cheesy remnants of the original statue were carefully removed from the van, which was then sent back with Dark and Mysterious Driver to find Larry (who in addition to never having to do any work seemed to have been left at Ernie’s apartment!), leaving Harold, Ernie, Percy, and the majority of Stinky to enter the hideout alone.
The three and a half of them walked (or in Stinky/ROGER’s case, were carried by Percy) to the door, and Harold bent down to retrieve the key from under the mat, NOT REALISING THAT IT HAD ALREADY BEEN TAKEN BY ROGER!!
“Hey, the key’s gone!” Harold said, rather unnecessarily as far as we readers are concerned, but quite helpful for the other two and a half people/cheeses standing/being carried beside him.
“What?” Ernie exclaimed, “But I hid it in a super-dooper secret-squirrel location! Who would ever look under a doormat for a key?!”
“Hey, the door is OPEN!” Harold said, also quite simultaneously unnecessary and helpful depending on your reading/being a character in a blognovel status.
“What?” Ernie exclaimed again, “Does that mean that someone has ENTERED MY SUPER-DOOPER SECRET FORT- I mean, HIDEOUT?!”
And saying this, he pushed past Harold and entered the hideout.
It was immediately apparent that someone had been there (that someone being known to us, but remaining unbeknownst to the current characters at this present moment).
Single spoonfuls of porridge had been removed from each of the three bowls on the table, each of the three chairs had moved showing that someone had sat in them, and the bedclothes being unmade showed that someone had slept in each of the beds!!!
But worst of all, the hideous, dangerous, intense, deadly, systematic, hydromatic collection of tea cosies that Ernie had been storing in his fort-I-mean-hideout was missing!!
As was (for us in the know) ROGER!!!
(Although in this instance ROGER refers to Roger, not ROGER. His name has been capitalised for emphasis rather than Acronymic purposes).
“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” bellowed Ernie in his best Anakin-becomes-Darth Vader impersonation. It was understandable for him to react that way - after all, losing your true love and unborn child/ren is quite similar to losing your tea cosy collection.
I feel for him right now.
Previous Chapter *** Next Chapter
posted by Lark Victory | 3:08 AM
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