The Magic Ceiling
Rule number 17 in the Q Dimension: Boy racers in Q Dimension actually don't ride in cars, they ride on BMX bikes. On any given Saturday night you will find them down at the local town square, pulling skids, having drag races, and abusing each others' girlfriends... from the seats of their chrome painted, mag-wheeled BMX bikes. Gangstah!
Roger furiously ripped pages from the book, working at something close to lightning pace. He paused for a second, to wipe the sweat from his brow. So much of it came off in one wipe that it actually formed a small pool in one corner of the room, and nowadays English families journey there for the summer to enjoy the fresh water and delightful views. But anyway, I digress.
Roger stopped for a quick break. The book was nearly completely ripped apart, and there was almost enough paper to make half a raft. But our hero (Roger, not Ardal O'Hanlon for those of you who were confused) knew that he needed more paper to complete his project and take over the world!!! Or at least, to escape. He looked around the room one more time, and noticed something he had missed on first inspection. A piece of A4 paper pinned to the wall near the door. Roger reached over and pulled it off the wall.
He decided to have a quick read of the sheet before tearing it into small pieces to comprise his replica 25:1 rudder.
What was printed on the paper read as follows;
Congratulations Adventurer! You are currently residing in The ACME Magic Room, which is equipped with the ACME Magic Ceiling. To activate the powers of the Magic Ceiling, simply say "Oh" followed by any word, and that object will fall from the Ceiling. For example, if you were to say "Oh, bananas!" then bananas (Fair Trade bananas, of course) would fall from the ceiling. The ACME Magic Ceiling is not infinitely powerful, however, and it only grants 3 wishes to each participant, much like Robin Williams' voice in Aladdin. The ACME Magic Ceiling is not to be confused with The Magic Slide or The Magic Pool, and cannot be sued or held liable for any intellectual property issues, cos if anyone asks, we thought of it first.
Good luck!
Yours sincerely, ACME Corporation.
Roger read and re-read the page. "What... golly... oh, man, this is incredible!" He cried. There was a thud behind him, and Roger turned around. A man had appeared on the floor of the room!
"Who are you!" Roger cried.
"I'm Knarl Kickles" The manly, robust, masculine man replied. "And I'm here to save the day!"
"Wow, nice beard!" Roger replied. "You are instantly so much more awesome, cooler than a camel at the north pole!"
"Thankyou, kind sir." Knarl replied, deeply and robustly. "Now, how can I be of assistance?"
"Well, I'm trying to break out of this room." Roger replied. "And I'm making a raf..." "Worry no more!" Knarl interrupted. "I will help you. Here's a trick I learnt in manly school!" And as quick as a cheetah on speed with a beesting on its bum, Knarl taped a stick of dynamite to the lock of the door and lit the fuse with his mind. So manly!
"Stand back, new best friend!" Knarl bellowed. Roger stood back.
BOOM!
The door was no longer there. There was just a hole in the wall where the door once was, and a brave Knarl rushing through it. Roger followed tentatively behind.
In the hall, Larry was still wandering around crazily, with the laser gun, chanting. Knarl ran up to him and attempted to wrestle the gun from his grip. So brave and masculine! Roger hesitated. "Uh, Knarl, I wouldn't..."
"Worry not, sir!" Knarl boomed. "I have this under control!"
Percy also tried to warn Knarl, but nobody listened to him. Sometimes people made him feel like dirt, you know?
Larry's eyes turned red. Roger backed back into the Magic Room. "Oh, God!" he moaned under his breath.
Suddenly God fell into the Magic Room and there was a fantastic angelic choir singing, an amazing sense of the power of the Holy Spirit, and Roger was healed of tonedeafness!
Then God left, cos he had more important things to do.
Knarl continued to wrestle with Larry.
"MAAARRRTINNNNN!"
And suddenly there were 3 piles of dust on the floor. Yes, 3. You see, Knarl got zapped. But the gun overheated, and Larry was now toast too. Or more technically, he was dust.
"Oh, poos and wees!" Roger cried.
I need not tell you what happened next.
pc : : nc
Roger furiously ripped pages from the book, working at something close to lightning pace. He paused for a second, to wipe the sweat from his brow. So much of it came off in one wipe that it actually formed a small pool in one corner of the room, and nowadays English families journey there for the summer to enjoy the fresh water and delightful views. But anyway, I digress.
Roger stopped for a quick break. The book was nearly completely ripped apart, and there was almost enough paper to make half a raft. But our hero (Roger, not Ardal O'Hanlon for those of you who were confused) knew that he needed more paper to complete his project and take over the world!!! Or at least, to escape. He looked around the room one more time, and noticed something he had missed on first inspection. A piece of A4 paper pinned to the wall near the door. Roger reached over and pulled it off the wall.
He decided to have a quick read of the sheet before tearing it into small pieces to comprise his replica 25:1 rudder.
What was printed on the paper read as follows;
Congratulations Adventurer! You are currently residing in The ACME Magic Room, which is equipped with the ACME Magic Ceiling. To activate the powers of the Magic Ceiling, simply say "Oh" followed by any word, and that object will fall from the Ceiling. For example, if you were to say "Oh, bananas!" then bananas (Fair Trade bananas, of course) would fall from the ceiling. The ACME Magic Ceiling is not infinitely powerful, however, and it only grants 3 wishes to each participant, much like Robin Williams' voice in Aladdin. The ACME Magic Ceiling is not to be confused with The Magic Slide or The Magic Pool, and cannot be sued or held liable for any intellectual property issues, cos if anyone asks, we thought of it first.
Good luck!
Yours sincerely, ACME Corporation.
Roger read and re-read the page. "What... golly... oh, man, this is incredible!" He cried. There was a thud behind him, and Roger turned around. A man had appeared on the floor of the room!
"Who are you!" Roger cried.
"I'm Knarl Kickles" The manly, robust, masculine man replied. "And I'm here to save the day!"
"Wow, nice beard!" Roger replied. "You are instantly so much more awesome, cooler than a camel at the north pole!"
"Thankyou, kind sir." Knarl replied, deeply and robustly. "Now, how can I be of assistance?"
"Well, I'm trying to break out of this room." Roger replied. "And I'm making a raf..." "Worry no more!" Knarl interrupted. "I will help you. Here's a trick I learnt in manly school!" And as quick as a cheetah on speed with a beesting on its bum, Knarl taped a stick of dynamite to the lock of the door and lit the fuse with his mind. So manly!
"Stand back, new best friend!" Knarl bellowed. Roger stood back.
BOOM!
The door was no longer there. There was just a hole in the wall where the door once was, and a brave Knarl rushing through it. Roger followed tentatively behind.
In the hall, Larry was still wandering around crazily, with the laser gun, chanting. Knarl ran up to him and attempted to wrestle the gun from his grip. So brave and masculine! Roger hesitated. "Uh, Knarl, I wouldn't..."
"Worry not, sir!" Knarl boomed. "I have this under control!"
Percy also tried to warn Knarl, but nobody listened to him. Sometimes people made him feel like dirt, you know?
Larry's eyes turned red. Roger backed back into the Magic Room. "Oh, God!" he moaned under his breath.
Suddenly God fell into the Magic Room and there was a fantastic angelic choir singing, an amazing sense of the power of the Holy Spirit, and Roger was healed of tonedeafness!
Then God left, cos he had more important things to do.
Knarl continued to wrestle with Larry.
"MAAARRRTINNNNN!"
And suddenly there were 3 piles of dust on the floor. Yes, 3. You see, Knarl got zapped. But the gun overheated, and Larry was now toast too. Or more technically, he was dust.
"Oh, poos and wees!" Roger cried.
I need not tell you what happened next.
pc : : nc
posted by Musings | 3:06 PM
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