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Rule Number 22 in the Q Dimension: Pick a card, any card, but don’t let me know which card it is.
Across town in his apartment on Roller and Rocking Ernie was finishing dinner, muttering to himself about how much he hated Rule 20, and that if it weren’t for stupid Chuck Norris being stupid undefeatable he would sooo put that rule at the top of his ‘must defeat’ list, and anyway, how come Chuck Norris didn’t have to arrest himself for starting work earlier than Rule 5 implied he did, and how it was all not fair and how brocolli was stupid and tasted funny.
Dark and Mysterious Driver had no such mutterings; he always enjoyed Mamma Ville Jeenius’s cooking, and had learned early on that vegetables were not always as icky as one thought, and that anyhow, if one ate them mixed with one’s other food then one could get them out of the way quickly, and enjoy the rest of the food 1-8-2. He politely asked for a second helping of Mamma Ville Jeenius’s World Famous Watermelon Pie (having finished his vegetables some time ago) and savoured it as Ernie grumpily finished his food to his mother’s satisfaction.
Eventually Ernie was given allowed to get down from the table, and after half an hour of homework, he was given permission to “go and play with his friends for a while, but make sure you’re back by 8.30 because it’s a school night and I know how grumpy you get when you haven’t had enough sleep and you remember how tired you were after you stayed up late plotting that assassination last week?”
Immediately Ernie and D&MD leapt into the Dark and Mysterious Truck (which might sound incredible, considering that they were still inside, but is more understandable when you realise the speed at which Dark and Mysterious Driver had taken that last corner on the way there) and backed the truck out through the gaping hole in the wall they had left as they arrived.
Moments later they were racing towards the Dark and Mysterious Hideout, hoping against hope that Harold hadn’t messed things up during dinner. As they arrived at the hideout, however, it became apparent that something had happened during their absence. Ernie recognised Martin his cleaner, Martin his greengrocer, and the famous former astrophysicist Martin Steinhoffenburger (who, though a doctor, should not be confused with Doctor Martins from the Yeejabberwhatsit General Hospital) standing near the hideout talking with Harold, who had a bemused expression on his face and a cat under one arm.
As they pulled up Ernie leapt like a leper from the truck and approached the group.
“Martin,” he said, politely acknowledging the presence of his cleaner.
“Ernie.”
“Martin.”
“Ernie.”
“Martin.”
“Ernie.”
“Harold.”
“Ernie.”
Dark and Mysterious Driver had taken a few moments to park the truck properly, and now also approached.
“Martin.”
“Dark and Mysterious Driver.”
“Martin.”
“Dark and Mysterious Driver.”
“Martin.”
“Dark and Mysterious Driver.”
“Harold.”
“Dark and Mysterious Driver.”
Acknowledgements acknowledged, Ernie got down to business (any excuse to get down was a good one). Looking at the cat, he asked Harold, “So is this ROGER’s latest devolution?”
Harold looked a bit sheepish, coughed, and muttered something about this being Roger’s nonconformist cat Cat that somehow did not fill Ernie with comfort.
“Harold,” Ernie demanded, “Where is ROGER? And why are you carrying this stupid cat if its not him?”
“I’m right here,” ROGER’s voice came from Cat’s mouth.
“Hey, Cat’s not stupid,” Roger’s voice came from Cat’s mouth.
“MAAARRRTIN!!” Larry’s voice came from Cat’s mouth.
“Mrrraaaa” Cat’s voice came from Cat’s mouth.
There was an uncomfortable pause.
Previous Chapter *** Next Chapter
Across town in his apartment on Roller and Rocking Ernie was finishing dinner, muttering to himself about how much he hated Rule 20, and that if it weren’t for stupid Chuck Norris being stupid undefeatable he would sooo put that rule at the top of his ‘must defeat’ list, and anyway, how come Chuck Norris didn’t have to arrest himself for starting work earlier than Rule 5 implied he did, and how it was all not fair and how brocolli was stupid and tasted funny.
Dark and Mysterious Driver had no such mutterings; he always enjoyed Mamma Ville Jeenius’s cooking, and had learned early on that vegetables were not always as icky as one thought, and that anyhow, if one ate them mixed with one’s other food then one could get them out of the way quickly, and enjoy the rest of the food 1-8-2. He politely asked for a second helping of Mamma Ville Jeenius’s World Famous Watermelon Pie (having finished his vegetables some time ago) and savoured it as Ernie grumpily finished his food to his mother’s satisfaction.
Eventually Ernie was given allowed to get down from the table, and after half an hour of homework, he was given permission to “go and play with his friends for a while, but make sure you’re back by 8.30 because it’s a school night and I know how grumpy you get when you haven’t had enough sleep and you remember how tired you were after you stayed up late plotting that assassination last week?”
Immediately Ernie and D&MD leapt into the Dark and Mysterious Truck (which might sound incredible, considering that they were still inside, but is more understandable when you realise the speed at which Dark and Mysterious Driver had taken that last corner on the way there) and backed the truck out through the gaping hole in the wall they had left as they arrived.
Moments later they were racing towards the Dark and Mysterious Hideout, hoping against hope that Harold hadn’t messed things up during dinner. As they arrived at the hideout, however, it became apparent that something had happened during their absence. Ernie recognised Martin his cleaner, Martin his greengrocer, and the famous former astrophysicist Martin Steinhoffenburger (who, though a doctor, should not be confused with Doctor Martins from the Yeejabberwhatsit General Hospital) standing near the hideout talking with Harold, who had a bemused expression on his face and a cat under one arm.
As they pulled up Ernie leapt like a leper from the truck and approached the group.
“Martin,” he said, politely acknowledging the presence of his cleaner.
“Ernie.”
“Martin.”
“Ernie.”
“Martin.”
“Ernie.”
“Harold.”
“Ernie.”
Dark and Mysterious Driver had taken a few moments to park the truck properly, and now also approached.
“Martin.”
“Dark and Mysterious Driver.”
“Martin.”
“Dark and Mysterious Driver.”
“Martin.”
“Dark and Mysterious Driver.”
“Harold.”
“Dark and Mysterious Driver.”
Acknowledgements acknowledged, Ernie got down to business (any excuse to get down was a good one). Looking at the cat, he asked Harold, “So is this ROGER’s latest devolution?”
Harold looked a bit sheepish, coughed, and muttered something about this being Roger’s nonconformist cat Cat that somehow did not fill Ernie with comfort.
“Harold,” Ernie demanded, “Where is ROGER? And why are you carrying this stupid cat if its not him?”
“I’m right here,” ROGER’s voice came from Cat’s mouth.
“Hey, Cat’s not stupid,” Roger’s voice came from Cat’s mouth.
“MAAARRRTIN!!” Larry’s voice came from Cat’s mouth.
“Mrrraaaa” Cat’s voice came from Cat’s mouth.
There was an uncomfortable pause.
Previous Chapter *** Next Chapter
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