What an Unhelpful Situation (there's a secret hint in that)

Olaf lay in the hospital bed, an oxygen mask firmly over the leg wound, and a look of perplexed foreign-ness on his simple face.
Dr. Martins looked at the checklist, sighed, and turned to Dave.

"Is he going to be okay?" Dave asked.
"Yes, I think so," Dr. Martins replied, "But he does have a 95% chance of being unable to teleport himself for at least the rest of this novel."
"But..." Dave stuttered, "But, but, but... how will I get to the evil hideout of Professor Happyjoy and the Rogue Bananas? It was either transport myself there with Olaf's help, or rob a bank, and since I have already failed at the last one, what can I do if Olaf is out of action???"
"Sorry I can't be any help," Dr. Martins said, and turned to leave.
"What did you say?" Dave asked, cryptically.
"Sorry I can't be any help," Dr. Martins repeated slowly, wondering if perhaps he should check Dave for hearing difficulties.

Suddenly, Dave's mind fled back to the instructions Danger had given him.

...a group of rogue bananas broke into the 'University of Inventions that may not help mankind' and made off with seven of the most unhelpful inventions known to man, including the hideous "Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness" which is so unhelpful that its effects have never been safely measured...

"Can't be any help!" Dave screamed, with a piercing falsetto voice, as a sudden flash of inspiration hit him like a bullet train between the eyes (in other words, it threw him backwards across the room and left him with serious concussion and a sprained chin), "The Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness is here, in this blog-novel, and its on! And it's close!!! Thats why nothing helpful has happened in this novel so far! I don't have to get to where-ever-the-hang-I-was-supposed-to-go after all!!!"

At this very moment, in a brilliantly dramatic plot-twist, the door to the hospital flew open (and out the window, heading south for the winter), and a strange figure, with green hair, purple lips, and a lab-coat on, entered the room to the sounds of that now familiar refrain "Bow bow bow bow!" that always plays when villians first enter the scene.My
"Yes, you are right, Dave, or should I say, Garbageman!" Professor Happyjoy screeched like a rusty hinge, "The Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness has been focussed on you and Olaf for some time now, and I must say, the effects have been quite... unhelpful!! Mwhahahahahahahaha!!!!"
Saying this, he stepped aside and allowed two bananas with very unhelpful inventions to enter the room.
"Of course," Prof. Hap. continued, "I'm not going to let you fight me or find the Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness just yet, but you can face off with my nameless minions!! Mwahahahahaha again!!!"

And saying this, the clown-like villian fled the scene (pausing only to grab a can of Lemo-Sprite from a drink machine), and Dave, with the terrified Doc. Martins cowering behind him, stood ready to face the Rogue Bananas.

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