Garbageman's Amazing Powers of Deduction
As Garbageman came to, Francis, mentally exhausted from so many mind-force-fields, mind-zapping, mind-your-own-business etc was wobbling about woozily, like a jelly on big hulking legs (raspberry flavoured, like mum used to make back in the old country, mmmm, jelly...).
"Garbageman..." Francis gasped, "Not much time... the goo I was injected with is wearing off... will soon go back to being amazingly-good-looking-yet-not-as-mentally-superior-as-now Nerd Boy, and will be unable to understand the remaining plot as I can right now... The 'Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness' is destroyed... Franco Franco is halfway to Scotland now and is of little more importance to this novel... The Rogue Bananas are of no consequence... the other unhelpful inventions were stored safely in the 'potalu' and have been destroyed... but, there is still an important thing for you to remember... Garbageman, you must..."
Suddenly, and too soon, the goo wore off, and Francis transformed back into Nerd Boy, then collapsing into a post-mental-increase state, where his brain shut down entirely and he was left with the mental capacity of a pile of empty peanut shells (He would remain in this state until his system entirely rebooted, and then he would need to do a system scan to make sure his mental capacity was back to normal, and a virus-check to make sure he hadn't downloaded anything accidently).
Garbageman tried to reason through what Francis had told him. What else could possibly need to be remembered? Had he left the washing out or something?
But, the plot was basically over! Maybe Olaf needed reviving? No, there was Olaf now, having woken from his comatose state and now slowly emerging from Woolworths like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon (but with less struggle and antennae, fewer wings, less colour, and much more Swedishness).
What about Norman, the security guard? Did he need convincing of Garbageman's innocence? No, that was a basic part of super-hero plots, having someone who thought you were a villian, he couldn't very well break centuries of super-hero tradition by changing that now!
Suddenly, Dave became aware of rustling behind him. Turning around, he spied a bush walking down the street towards him, carrying a briefcase and wearing a typical spy-like hat).
"Greetings, Garbageman," Danger said (for it was he in the bush!!! What a shock!), "Congratulations on your amazing success in defeating Happyjoy and the rogue bananas, destroying the 'Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness', and saving mankind from an unhelpful future. Your amazing powers of deduction and super-heroic effort are an example to all super-heroes everywhere."
"Aaaw, thanks Danger," Garbageman blushed, "but I didn't really do a lot at all. The real hero here is Nerd Boy. He did most of the planning and implementing of plans, I just made a piece of dank cabbage, some kung-fu squirrels, and dirty laundry with teeth. Nothing really all that amazing."
"Really?" Danger asked, "Wow! That changes a lot of things."
Turning to Nerd Boy, he produced a glass of water from somewhere within his foliage and splashed the unconscious super-hero in the face, then placed his briefcase beside Francis, turned, and walked away.
As everyone knows, splashing someone in the face causes their system to entirely reboot, do a system scan to make sure their mental capacity is back to normal, and a virus-check to make sure they hadn't downloaded anything accidently, and wakes them up - all in the blink of an eye.
Nerd boy sat up, looked around, and took in the scene before him.
Then he groaned.
"Dave, you fool! Why did you tell him I did everything?"
Dave was confused.
"What do you mean, Francis, you did do all the cool things."
"Yeah," Francis sighed, taking the briefcase and opening it to reveal a huge stack of forms in triplicate, "But now I have to do the super-hero mission-complete evaluation paper-work. I wanted you to take the credit."
"Oh, sorry," Dave said, secretly thankful at being able to skip the paperwork.
Standing to his feet, Dave took in the scene around him. Woolworths was amazingly still standing, but wreckage lay everywhere. The same would probably be similar of the jail, was even worse at the hospital, and would be quite bad at his home too.
"Gosh, I'd hate to be the one to clean up all this mess," he muttered.
Then he remembered his alter-ego for the first time in over 20 blogs.
He was the local garbageman.
"Aaaww, nuts!" he sighed.
THE END.......
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"Garbageman..." Francis gasped, "Not much time... the goo I was injected with is wearing off... will soon go back to being amazingly-good-looking-yet-not-as-mentally-superior-as-now Nerd Boy, and will be unable to understand the remaining plot as I can right now... The 'Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness' is destroyed... Franco Franco is halfway to Scotland now and is of little more importance to this novel... The Rogue Bananas are of no consequence... the other unhelpful inventions were stored safely in the 'potalu' and have been destroyed... but, there is still an important thing for you to remember... Garbageman, you must..."
Suddenly, and too soon, the goo wore off, and Francis transformed back into Nerd Boy, then collapsing into a post-mental-increase state, where his brain shut down entirely and he was left with the mental capacity of a pile of empty peanut shells (He would remain in this state until his system entirely rebooted, and then he would need to do a system scan to make sure his mental capacity was back to normal, and a virus-check to make sure he hadn't downloaded anything accidently).
Garbageman tried to reason through what Francis had told him. What else could possibly need to be remembered? Had he left the washing out or something?
But, the plot was basically over! Maybe Olaf needed reviving? No, there was Olaf now, having woken from his comatose state and now slowly emerging from Woolworths like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon (but with less struggle and antennae, fewer wings, less colour, and much more Swedishness).
What about Norman, the security guard? Did he need convincing of Garbageman's innocence? No, that was a basic part of super-hero plots, having someone who thought you were a villian, he couldn't very well break centuries of super-hero tradition by changing that now!
Suddenly, Dave became aware of rustling behind him. Turning around, he spied a bush walking down the street towards him, carrying a briefcase and wearing a typical spy-like hat).
"Greetings, Garbageman," Danger said (for it was he in the bush!!! What a shock!), "Congratulations on your amazing success in defeating Happyjoy and the rogue bananas, destroying the 'Machine of Downright Unhelpfulness', and saving mankind from an unhelpful future. Your amazing powers of deduction and super-heroic effort are an example to all super-heroes everywhere."
"Aaaw, thanks Danger," Garbageman blushed, "but I didn't really do a lot at all. The real hero here is Nerd Boy. He did most of the planning and implementing of plans, I just made a piece of dank cabbage, some kung-fu squirrels, and dirty laundry with teeth. Nothing really all that amazing."
"Really?" Danger asked, "Wow! That changes a lot of things."
Turning to Nerd Boy, he produced a glass of water from somewhere within his foliage and splashed the unconscious super-hero in the face, then placed his briefcase beside Francis, turned, and walked away.
As everyone knows, splashing someone in the face causes their system to entirely reboot, do a system scan to make sure their mental capacity is back to normal, and a virus-check to make sure they hadn't downloaded anything accidently, and wakes them up - all in the blink of an eye.
Nerd boy sat up, looked around, and took in the scene before him.
Then he groaned.
"Dave, you fool! Why did you tell him I did everything?"
Dave was confused.
"What do you mean, Francis, you did do all the cool things."
"Yeah," Francis sighed, taking the briefcase and opening it to reveal a huge stack of forms in triplicate, "But now I have to do the super-hero mission-complete evaluation paper-work. I wanted you to take the credit."
"Oh, sorry," Dave said, secretly thankful at being able to skip the paperwork.
Standing to his feet, Dave took in the scene around him. Woolworths was amazingly still standing, but wreckage lay everywhere. The same would probably be similar of the jail, was even worse at the hospital, and would be quite bad at his home too.
"Gosh, I'd hate to be the one to clean up all this mess," he muttered.
Then he remembered his alter-ego for the first time in over 20 blogs.
He was the local garbageman.
"Aaaww, nuts!" he sighed.
THE END.......
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posted by Lark Victory | 9:47 PM
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