Chapter the 8th - A sudden twist in the plot
"Oy!" I bellowed, like a fish. "What's going on here?"
The goon turned back around to look at me. "Well, sonny, you're at the Tennessee Accountants Convention, 2005. Welcome! My name's Stu." he said, pointing to a namebadge I hadn't noticed with ntS on it.
"Um, sorry to bother you there Stu, but your namebadge is upside down."
"Oh!" Stu quickly rearranged his namebadge. "I was so preoccupied with what ugly tie I was going to wear this morning I forgot to think about my namebadge."
"Why is it that every accountant wears an ugly tie, Stu?" I asked, trying desperately to keep the goon interested so he would untie me.
"Well, it's really rather complicated, sonny. First of all, the uglier the tie, the cooler you are in accounting circles. But you have to make sure you're not trying to look ugly. It just has to 'happen'. Secondly, we accountants believe in cost cutting. And as everybody knows, cool looking ties are always made out of silk and always way too expensive for us cheap accountant types. Cost cutting is very important you know. It's why we had the convention in a warehouse this year- the hotel we usually book put its price up and it's way too expensive."
I had to admit, it all made sense. Except for a few obvious flaws. So, it didn't really make sense at all. Hmm.
"Why are all you accountants so muscular? And why are me and Ciola tied up?"
Stu looked me in the eye.
"Big questions for such a small man, sonny. What's your name?"
"Um...Erstwhile?"
"Erstwhile, eh?"
"No, just Erstwhile. There's no , eh on the end."
"Ok...Erstwhile. Well, we accountants are muscular because we don't want anybody robbing us! Buffing up is a great way to get better at beating up burglars! And the reason you are tied up? Well, we just assumed you were with the little lady here. She stole a rather large sum of money off us some years ago and we're planning on exacting revenge- right after our Fixed Assets Forum! But if you tell us you're no friend of hers...we'll let you go free! Otherwise you're in for the same fate!"
Stu laughed evilly. Well, no, it wasn't evilly, it was just...accountant-ey. Kind of a short snort, like he didn't get out much.
All the other goons ran up to my chair and started circling round it. "Ditch Ciola.... Ditch Ciola..." They chanted, eyes glinting in the light.
"Don't worry, Erstwhile! I'll manage!" Ciola cried heroically. What a trooper! But, could I leave my new found friend? On the other hand, would I face torture for her love?
What a hard decision!
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The goon turned back around to look at me. "Well, sonny, you're at the Tennessee Accountants Convention, 2005. Welcome! My name's Stu." he said, pointing to a namebadge I hadn't noticed with ntS on it.
"Um, sorry to bother you there Stu, but your namebadge is upside down."
"Oh!" Stu quickly rearranged his namebadge. "I was so preoccupied with what ugly tie I was going to wear this morning I forgot to think about my namebadge."
"Why is it that every accountant wears an ugly tie, Stu?" I asked, trying desperately to keep the goon interested so he would untie me.
"Well, it's really rather complicated, sonny. First of all, the uglier the tie, the cooler you are in accounting circles. But you have to make sure you're not trying to look ugly. It just has to 'happen'. Secondly, we accountants believe in cost cutting. And as everybody knows, cool looking ties are always made out of silk and always way too expensive for us cheap accountant types. Cost cutting is very important you know. It's why we had the convention in a warehouse this year- the hotel we usually book put its price up and it's way too expensive."
I had to admit, it all made sense. Except for a few obvious flaws. So, it didn't really make sense at all. Hmm.
"Why are all you accountants so muscular? And why are me and Ciola tied up?"
Stu looked me in the eye.
"Big questions for such a small man, sonny. What's your name?"
"Um...Erstwhile?"
"Erstwhile, eh?"
"No, just Erstwhile. There's no , eh on the end."
"Ok...Erstwhile. Well, we accountants are muscular because we don't want anybody robbing us! Buffing up is a great way to get better at beating up burglars! And the reason you are tied up? Well, we just assumed you were with the little lady here. She stole a rather large sum of money off us some years ago and we're planning on exacting revenge- right after our Fixed Assets Forum! But if you tell us you're no friend of hers...we'll let you go free! Otherwise you're in for the same fate!"
Stu laughed evilly. Well, no, it wasn't evilly, it was just...accountant-ey. Kind of a short snort, like he didn't get out much.
All the other goons ran up to my chair and started circling round it. "Ditch Ciola.... Ditch Ciola..." They chanted, eyes glinting in the light.
"Don't worry, Erstwhile! I'll manage!" Ciola cried heroically. What a trooper! But, could I leave my new found friend? On the other hand, would I face torture for her love?
What a hard decision!
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posted by Musings | 2:03 AM
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