10 Things I Hate About You
Luckily, Sally had done a research assignment on Jehovah's Witnessessesesess and knew exactly what to do.
"It's ok," she called to them, waving her arms to get their attention, "I am a close personal friend of your founder, Charles Taze Russell, and that boy there is with me. We are both on your side, my Russellite brethren. Go the Trinity!"
Unfortunately for Sally, she had forgotten that Charles Russell not only died in 1916 (making it unlikely for either her or Nicholas to be a 'close personal friend', but that all JWseses since then had disclaimed any connection with him, and hated being referred to as 'Russellites', not to mention the fact that they denied the doctrine of the Trinity.
The Jay-Dubsessesess paused for a moment, as their cult-ured brains cult-ivated a response to this statement, which was flawed in so many places that it would have required even more carpet than a Peter Jackson world premiere.
Eventually, they decided to react in the only way sensible cult-ured people could react in a situation like this.
"Burn the heathens!"
"Sit them down and hand them pamphlets!"
"Doorknock at their houses!"
"Bible Bash them with our own translation of the scriptures!"
"Set them free!"
This last remark caused a brief pause, before it was discovered that Nicholas had remarked it.
A few short moments (sorry, vertically challenged moments) later, Nicholas and Sally found themselves tied to a large pole (named Sven), awaiting imminent judgement (just like every faithful JW since 1918).
Pastor Jonadab approached, holding in his hand the 'sacred torch of annihilation'.
"Sally and Nicholas," he intoned, "For disrupting our service, flicking the sacred light switch, referring to He-who-shall-not-be-named-Russell, and blatently lying about your age, you have been sentenced to annihilation by death. How do you plead?"
"Down on my knees with my hands clasped together and crying while saying 'Please'," Sally explained.
There was a murmur of understanding from the crowd.
"Do you have any last requests?"
"To be set free?" Nicholas tried.
A groan went up from the crowd, before gravity caught it and it fell back to earth with a loud thud, which must have drifted in on the wind from somewhere.
"I can't believe I always fall for that," Jonadab muttered as he undid the ropes and set Sally, Nicholas, and Sven free.
Pre-Vious Chapter ***** Post-Vious Chapter
"It's ok," she called to them, waving her arms to get their attention, "I am a close personal friend of your founder, Charles Taze Russell, and that boy there is with me. We are both on your side, my Russellite brethren. Go the Trinity!"
Unfortunately for Sally, she had forgotten that Charles Russell not only died in 1916 (making it unlikely for either her or Nicholas to be a 'close personal friend', but that all JWseses since then had disclaimed any connection with him, and hated being referred to as 'Russellites', not to mention the fact that they denied the doctrine of the Trinity.
The Jay-Dubsessesess paused for a moment, as their cult-ured brains cult-ivated a response to this statement, which was flawed in so many places that it would have required even more carpet than a Peter Jackson world premiere.
Eventually, they decided to react in the only way sensible cult-ured people could react in a situation like this.
"Burn the heathens!"
"Sit them down and hand them pamphlets!"
"Doorknock at their houses!"
"Bible Bash them with our own translation of the scriptures!"
"Set them free!"
This last remark caused a brief pause, before it was discovered that Nicholas had remarked it.
A few short moments (sorry, vertically challenged moments) later, Nicholas and Sally found themselves tied to a large pole (named Sven), awaiting imminent judgement (just like every faithful JW since 1918).
Pastor Jonadab approached, holding in his hand the 'sacred torch of annihilation'.
"Sally and Nicholas," he intoned, "For disrupting our service, flicking the sacred light switch, referring to He-who-shall-not-be-named-Russell, and blatently lying about your age, you have been sentenced to annihilation by death. How do you plead?"
"Down on my knees with my hands clasped together and crying while saying 'Please'," Sally explained.
There was a murmur of understanding from the crowd.
"Do you have any last requests?"
"To be set free?" Nicholas tried.
A groan went up from the crowd, before gravity caught it and it fell back to earth with a loud thud, which must have drifted in on the wind from somewhere.
"I can't believe I always fall for that," Jonadab muttered as he undid the ropes and set Sally, Nicholas, and Sven free.
Pre-Vious Chapter ***** Post-Vious Chapter
posted by Lark Victory | 12:28 PM
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